Working Together When We Disagree
When we write off people we disagree with, what do we expect to happen next?
We can call them ignorant or hateful or selfish. We can decide there is no point talking to them and surround ourselves with people who mostly see the world the way we do. But we still share a world with them. They are our neighbors. Their kids go to school with ours. They are part of our communities. They vote, run businesses, and make decisions that affect the places we all call home.
In a democracy, that's part of the point. People we think are profoundly wrong still have a voice. We don't get to participate only alongside people whose values we share. The democratic rights we want for ourselves belong to people we disagree with too.
The alternative is giving some person or group the power to decide whose voices count. I don't want people I disagree with to have that kind of power over me. And I don't want that power over others either.
So where does that leave us? We can spend our lives furious that other people believe what they believe. We can refuse to speak to them. But we still share a society. At some point, we have to figure out what we can do together. Right?
Look for what we share
Working together doesn't require us to resolve every disagreement first. Sometimes we may disagree about the cause of a problem, what should be done about it, or both. But underneath those disagreements, there may still be something we both care about.
Two people can disagree about why homelessness has increased and what policies would help while still agreeing that human beings shouldn't freeze to death outside. Parents can disagree about education policy and still want kids to be safe and teachers to have the support they need. People can disagree about environmental policy and still care about the creek running through their town.
That's what I mean by common ground. It isn't finding the compromise somewhere between what you believe and what I believe. It's finding the thing we both care about, even if we came to it from very different places. And maybe that's where we start.
Ask a different question
Finding that starting point may require us to ask different questions. When we disagree, we often focus on who's right, who's wrong, and how to convince the other person to see things our way. But if we're looking for somewhere to start together, we need to ask something else.
What do we both care about here? Is there something we could do about it together?
Maybe sometimes the answer is no. Some disagreements leave little room to work together, and sometimes working together would require us to compromise something we aren't willing to compromise.
But I think often the answer could be yes. We find something we both care about and realize there is something we can do about it together. We don't have to agree on everything else before we start.
Do something together
Building something together doesn't have to mean solving the biggest problems in the world. It can simply mean making one small part of the world we share a little better. We can support the same food bank, show up for the same school, clean up the same park, or help the same family.
And when we do, we each bring our own experiences, perspectives, and strengths to the work. By bringing our different ideas together, we can create something better than any of us would have created on our own, something shaped by all of us.
Working side by side can also change the way we see people we disagree with. We stop encountering them only as representatives of opposing sides. We become people carrying boxes together, planting trees together, or trying to solve the same problem.
Shared work gives us another way of getting to know someone. I get to see your strengths, your commitment, and the things you care about. You get to see mine. We might still disagree at the end of the day, maybe profoundly, but disagreement is no longer the only thing between us.
This is how we make the world
I used to think of "changing the world" as something enormous, something done by activists or politicians or people who start movements. Now, I’m not so sure.
Those things can change the world. But I think we're also making the world all the time, in much smaller ways. We make it through the institutions we participate in, the communities we create, and the choices we make every day. And none of us gets to make it alone.
So I don't think the question is, How do we get everyone to agree? I think it's, What can we build even when we don't? That's the world I'm interested in making. And I think we have to make it together.
Keep the conversation going
The World We Make isn't meant to be something I figure out on my own. If these ideas resonate with you, join the discussion group to share your perspective, learn from others, and explore what we can make together.
